When I started reflecting on facing the wall, I didn’t anticipate getting to part 3. But here we are.
As I continue to face the wall. And continue to maintain a posture of being open to what God is wanting to do in me as I face the wall, more things are being revealed and exposed. Let me share two more with you.
Much like control – this often felt like someone else’s issue. Not mine. Oh how wrong I was. I could definitely present a cool, calm exterior. But inside is a different story.
I am seeing now that I am an anxious person. These are indeed anxious times we find ourselves in. The cascading crises – one after another after another – is astounding. And deeply unsettling. God is revealing to me just how anxious I am – and He is using something unexpected to help me see that . . . my body.
My body is carrying a lot of anxiety these days. The tightness, the weight, the restlessness, the racing thoughts, the difficulty sleeping soundly. God is inviting me into the work of learning to relax and be at rest.
To find a non-anxious presence in being held by Jesus. In being present more fully with God.
And He is inviting me to stop ignoring my body – but to care for this body and recognize the gift that our bodies can be to us. To listen to them. To care for them. To allow them to rest.
Learning to be still before God. Learning to set aside the striving. The grasping. And instead learning again to delight in God’s love. To delight in God’s presence. To linger there.
Psalm 139 beckons my anxious heart to find rest . . . “search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts . . . and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Another invitation is to accept sadness and tears.
Grief. Heartache. Sorrow.
So much has been lost. There is so much to grieve.
Why is the path of suppressing these things so attractive? You may know or recognize that temptation. Suppress. Ignore. Try hard to push through.
It always has been a futile exercise for me – it eventually all catches up. But slow to learn I remain.
And so once again – in His great mercy – God invites me to embrace tears. The grief of loss. The pain. There are many tears to shed when I stop and allow myself to embrace them.
And I sense God nudging the Kleenex box next to me and inviting me to make more space for the tears.
Let me ask YOU . . . how is this leg of the journey for you these days? Can I encourage you to give yourself the space you need to embrace the tears that are waiting to be shed?
And let me ask you again – what is God doing IN YOU during this time? What is God trying to strip away in your life? What parts of you does He want to refine?
May God in His bountiful grace continue to pursue each one of us wherever we find ourselves in this journey.