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So what are some of the things that God has been showing me as I learn to wait on Him and open myself up to what He may be up to as I face the wall that 2020 has brought into my life? In today’s post, let me share a couple of them.

Knowing. While it may tough to admit, I am starting to recognize how much I really liked knowing. Always have. I was one of those kids who liked to ask “why” all the time. I wanted to know how things worked. Why things were the way they were. A deep curiosity formed in me. And has stayed with me. It even drove me to pursue a doctoral degree. Life can feel more manageable when I understand. When things are clear.

And like a stubborn piece of crabgrass, I have felt God pulling this out of me. Inviting me into what has become both an uncomfortable and a more familiar space – not knowing. Not striving, not grasping to try to know. To try to understand. To try to make sense of it all. It’s an invitation to embrace not knowing. But trusting that God knows. And that is enough. I don’t have to know. I don’t have to understand.

What is God up to in 2020? I don’t know. I don’t understand. I don’t get it. And I don’t have to. God knows.

I can tell you this – not needing to make sense of it all has been freeing. It has led me to learning to live more open-handed. More able to position myself in the place of being open – even expectant – for what God might be wanting to birth in me and in the world. More able to follow the One who doesn’t always reveal to us where He is taking us. But simply calls – “follow me.”

Lord – take my hand. Lead me. Even into the unknown future. That is my prayer.

Control. This has been even harder to face up to. Control? Nah. Others had issues with control.

“Not me.”

Or so I thought.

In a gracious way, God is showing me how much I desire control. It’s a close cousin to knowing. Life feels more manageable when I have a sense of being in control. When things feel somewhat predictable. I mean – I love routine. I love living into a schedule. I love planning. Just ask my family.

2020 has stripped all of that away. And then laughed in our collective faces. More than once. We lost control of so many things. All at once. So much has been disrupted.

If we collectively were to list the number of plans that have been disrupted – the list would be painfully long.

As I open myself up to what God may be wanting to do – I have heard another invitation. An invitation to surrender control . . .

  • of the physical spaces I inhabit (and have a higher tolerance for those spaces not being as tidy as I would like them!).
  • of the future goals I have – yeah so what was the plan for this year? Does it even matter? It’s all been thrown out the window it would seem . . .
  • of circumstances I am helpless before – helpless to change, helpless to control, helpless to even understand or grasp.
  • of the church and its future . . .

God is in control. I am not. He is inviting me to surrender. The white flag is waving.

In my next post, I will share more of what God has been showing me as I face the wall.

Until then – be blessed!

-Pastor Tim