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In the midst of my concussion recovery – I developed a playlist of songs – songs that I listened to daily – some days several times. Songs that buoyed my soul – gave expression to my fears and grief – and anchored my hope.

One of those songs was Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul – what has become one of my favourite hymns. Dear Refuge was written by Anne Steele – a woman who was acquainted with grief:  

“She lost her mother at age 3, a potential suitor at age 20, her stepmother at 43, and her sister-in-law at 45. She spent many years caring for her father until his death in 1769. For many years, she exhibited symptoms of malaria, including persistent pain, fever, headaches, and stomach aches,” according to Chris Fenner.

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul was a hymn birthed in the soil of her grief and journey of learning to trust God in the midst of it. I want to share the verses of the hymn – and some brief reflections on them.

 Dear refuge of my weary soul,
 On Thee, when sorrows rise
 On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
 My fainting hope relies

My own expressions and feelings of hope – which can waver – are different than the foundation and source of my hope – Christ Himself. At times in life, the waves of stormy grief and sorrow pound relentlessly in our lives, leaving our hope fainting at best. These words invite us, even when our hope is fainting as our sorrows rise and the waves of trouble pound onto the shores of our lives, to rely on the source of our hope.

 To Thee I tell each rising grief,
 For Thou alone can heal
 Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
 For every pain I feel

One of the things I have learned is to speak out my griefs and laments. Silently stuffing them deeper into my soul has been something I’ve tried and nearly been suffocated by. I love these gentle words – “To Thee I tell each rising grief . . . for every pain I feel.” All done in faith that “thou alone can heal – thy word can bring a sweet relief.”

 But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
 I fear to call Thee mine
 The springs of comfort seem to fail,
 And all my hopes decline

Anne is familiar with the ebb and flow of sorrows and troubles. She knows the times “when gloomy doubts prevail” and hope seems to fade. Aware of her own weakness – she even fears to call the LORD hers. Why? Perhaps out of her own sense that she considered God worthy of a more faithful follower in suffering than she believed herself to be. She honestly gives voice to our very human experience – there are times when the springs of comfort seem to fail and our hopes decline. Yet she invites us to keep fighting.

 Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
 Thou art my only trust
 And still my soul would cleave to Thee                                                                                             Though prostrate in the dust

As she continues – where else can we flee? You alone – O Lord – are my only trust. Though doubts can prevail, though comforts can seem to fail, though hopes can decline – “still my soul would cleave to thee” – even though I find myself prostrate in the dust. I cling to you – who else is there to cling to? You are my only trust.  

 Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
 And shall I seek in vain?
 And can the ear of sovereign grace,
 Be deaf when I complain?

God – you invite this kind of vulnerable honesty – you welcome and encourage me to seek your face – knowing my frail condition. Can your ear – O Sovereign and Gracious One – be deaf when I complain to you in my distress and laments?  

 No still the ear of sovereign grace,
 Attends the mourner's prayer                                                                                                           Oh may I ever find access,
 To breathe my sorrows there

NO! Still your ear attends my prayer. Grace abounds. The way is opened through Christ. The curtain of the temple is torn – we have access to the very presence of God – to the very throne room of heaven. To breathe our sorrows there. To cry out. To lament. To pray.  

 Thy mercy seat is open still,
 Here let my soul retreat
 With humble hope attend Thy will,
 And wait beneath Thy feet

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Words of Scripture helping us see that “thy mercy seat is open” – and so we come – finding in you – O Lord – our soul’s retreat. With humbled hope we come – and we wait. I love how Lianna Davis puts it – her reflections on this hymn an inspiration for my own:  

“God has chosen to give broken hearts access to Him based upon His own kindness. From this truth comes steadfast hope to wait with patience for Him—for the fulfillment of His plans for His people and His world—and to live for Him with gratitude in the wait.”  

Not all of our questions are answered in the end. We wait. In hope. Continuing to “Tell thee each rising grief,” trusting that our gracious God continues to bend His ear and invites us to breath our sorrows before Him.  

I invite you to use the words of this hymn to aid in your own honest prayers and laments before God. Below is a video of this song – the one that made my playlist and remains on it.  

Pastor Tim