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Since about last week Thursday, there has been another “COVID-19 explosion” going on. This one never made it into the newspaper. This one didn’t involve an exponential growth in positive cases of COVID-19. No. This one has been taking place inside of my own heart.

So many unprocessed emotions stirring deep inside of me. I wasn’t taking the space. I wasn’t giving myself the time. To feel what is going on inside of me. To be attentive to the multitude of emotions I am experiencing.

But my unprocessed emotions weren’t dying. They were only being buried alive inside of me. Over the past few days, they are finding their way out.

Though it is hard, I am thankful. God is faithful and patient with me. God is there – ready . . . willing . . . to listen and to engage what is going on inside of me.

God used people – as He so often does – to gently nudge me and invite me to face myself. To stop running. To stop hiding. To stop stuffing and pretending. The first was a webinar on Thursday by Ruth Haley Barton – inviting us to be attentive to our own souls in the midst of this crisis. The second was a video by Pete Scazzero – nudging us to be attentive to our emotional health during this time of pandemic. Through both of them – God was nudging. Inviting. Beckoning me.

And so I’ve begun to come. To make more space. More time. To feel what is going on inside of me. There is so much going on inside of me.

I am beginning to pay attention to the losses. They are many. They are layered. There is so much to grieve.

  • What am I sad about?
  • What am I anxious about?
  • What am I afraid of?
  • What am I angry about?
  • What am I glad about?
  • Where do I need to surrender control?

These are the questions I’m beginning to ask myself daily. As I ask them – I’m inviting God to help me see what is going on below the surface of these emotions. What is going on inside of my heart as I feel these things and give expression to these emotions?

I’m giving myself space. Time. To ask. To journal. To wrestle.

I suspect I’m not alone in needing to do this. Let me encourage you. Let me invite you. Take the time. Find the space. Allow yourself to feel what is going on inside of you.

Bring it to God. He is in all of these emotions. He is longing for us to come. He is pulling things out of us. He is pursuing us. He is seeking to draw us closer and closer to Him.

“God is our Refuge and Strength” . . . run to Him.

Pastor Tim